How can we hold the head-spinning and wide-ranging experiences we all encounter daily, and help our children make sense of the same? I headed to dismissal on Tuesday amidst escalating violence and tragedy in the Middle East. Moments later, I was greeted with a happy story about a student’s plan to dress as a ninja for Halloween. I was then offered a joke involving a family of tomatoes, one of whom was slow (spoiler: think “ketchup”). How do you make sense of the world when joy and sorrow live so closely side by side?
I recently read Sandwich, a novel by Catherine Newman. In it, the main character is in the “sandwich” between caring for aging parents and growing children, and she is trying to make sense of the beauty, joy, anxiety, and tragedy that are all part of ordinary existence. In one passage, the main character describes her complex feelings towards her husband, Nick, her children, Willa and Maya, and her soon to be son-in-law, Jamie.
Back in the cottage, all the windows are wide open, and the breeze is blowing through, bringing with it the pink smell of phlox and roses. I’m sad and relieved about my parents leaving. I’m furious with and crazy about Nick. I’m remorseful. Grateful. I’m excited for Maya and Jamie, and worried about them. I am amazed by Willa. I am drowning in love. My great grandparents were murdered by Nazis. The world is achingly beautiful. I am 54 years old, and I know better, finally, then to think that you have to pick. That you even could. It’s just everything, all the time. EVERYTHING. Put it on my tombstone! EVERYTHING!
On these days when you feel like you need to make sense of EVERYTHING, and help your children do the same, remember the idea that we can hold more together. I love the Byron quote, “Happiness was born a twin,” both for the idea that happiness has “twin” emotions that inevitably cover the other side of human experience, and to remind us that happiness rarely stands alone. When we share our experiences with each other – whether joys or sadness – we often find more happiness. As we all navigate EVERYTHING, it is powerful to be able to look to each other and simply share the moment. Children have this instinct, since they often want to show and tell others of their experience, simply wanting to marvel and share a moment and say, “Wow! Do you see that too?”
Here’s to all we see together, and the EVERYTHING of raising and educating children together.
