This month, my son will be celebrating his 23rd birthday. 23? How did we get here? It feels like it was a short time ago that my son would snuggle in my arms and twirl his hair as a way to soothe himself. He definitely no longer fits in my lap anymore. In fact, both my children are no longer children anymore. I thought I would be “retired” from parenting by now, but it turns out that my role as parent and caregiver has not ended; it has evolved into something new.
Over the years, I have developed the opinion that parenting is an ongoing job. Every time I thought my job as a parent was done, it evolved into something new. As my young adult children leave college and start interviewing for jobs and navigating finding apartments and learning how to budget, I feel anxious about how things will work out for them. My first instinct is to help them along because I do not want to see them struggle, but I am beginning to realize that just as I struggled throughout childhood, adolescence, and when I entered adulthood, they must try, fail, and learn as well. Yes, it is sometimes painful to watch them stumble and fall, but the successes they achieve are so much more meaningful when I know that they did the process themselves.
I guess one could say that my role has evolved from caregiver to thought partner. And there are still many times that I want to sweep in and fix everything for my kids, but I know they need to take control of their own lives and I can feel for their challenges and help them celebrate their successes. There are times that this evolution is not easy; but it is something that needs to happen.
My words of advice to parents and caregivers— give your children room to grow and accept when your “job” is ready to evolve.
